The Pain of Losing
by sapofbks2008
Summary: Inuyasha told me that I was the only one that he wanted to be with, and he wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives. I looked at the disaster left from our final battle with Naraku. Time was running out for that dream to become a reality.


When I dreamt of Inuyasha he always held me and told me that he loved me. He always told me that I was the only one that he wanted to be with, and he wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives. As I looked at the disaster left from our final battle with Naraku, that we had gladly won, I was willing to bet that time was running out for that dream to become a reality.

I didn't expect my dream to come true. If I did, I think I would wonder if Inuyasha was taking something. I didn't want it to be perfect, and I didn't want Inuyasha to become love sick. I had seen how he acted around Kikyo and I really didn't want that, thank you very much. I only wanted an "I love you." That sad truth was though that he loved Kikyo and not me.

It would never be me.

I wasn't holding my breath for his "I love you" because otherwise I was likely to turn blue and die.

"I can't believe that it's finally over," Sango said sounding amazed.

She had been the one to say what we had all been thinking. She was taking in the disaster around us like we all were. It was a surprisingly little site. Except for the remains of Naraku and the ones that had followed him, there was little else proof of the fight. The clouds that had become dark with evil we're quickly fading, and the weather was going back to its earlier perfection.

Miroku put a hand on Sango's shoulder, "We're all very sorry that we couldn't save your brother," he apologized.

Sango had tears in her eyes, "He was gone a long time ago." she admitted sadly, "I just couldn't let go," he voice cracked and she turned into Mirkou's shoulder so no one would see her cry.

I watched Miroku comfort Sango. I was amazed how much the two loved each other. Miroku hadn't even checked his wind tunnel that was, for sure, long gone. I wanted what the two of them had more than anything else in the world, but knew I knew that I would never have. It was only a matter of time before they were married.

I knew that Kikyo was around even before I saw her soul collectors. I think I noticed even before Inuyasha. He must have been as caught up in the scene between Miroku and Sango, because he for sure had better senses then me. I wasn't even paying all that much attention, but when Kikyo was trying to kill me I always noticed.

She had been trying for almost six months now, and I was used to it. For the last six months she had been becoming weaker, and she was always trying to steal more of my soul so that she could live a little longer. I was stronger now than I was even six months ago, and I didn't even have to concentrate to prevent her efforts. Kikyo was screwed if she really wanted to live, because I wasn't going to let her take anything from me.

"Inuyasha, my time in this world is almost expired. I need you to come to hell with me now." Kikyo said as she finally came into view.

It never ceased to amaze me that she would try and kill me, and get her man back all at the same time. If you didn't know her then you wouldn't guess that she was becoming weaker because she did not let her weakness show. I really don't even think that how long you knew her had anything to do with it. It had to do with being able to feel her desperation. She was really desperate now.

Sango and Miroku stood back, and just watched the scene in front of them. Sango was no longer crying but looking on with red eyes. Both knew that this was between Kikyo, Inuyasha, and I. I wished that my friends in the future could understand space as well as them. Miroku for sure knew that Kikyo was trying to take my soul to prolong her life, but he said nothing as I had asked him to.

When Kikyo had first started trying to take my soul, he had been the one to notice and later ask me why I had stopped him from saying anything. Even then I was strong enough to prevent Kikyo, and I had told them that there wasn't a need. The sad truth was that I didn't know how Inuyasha would react if he knew that his "love" was trying to kill me, and I didn't want the conflict.

"Kikyo, I can't leave now," he argued looking at Shippo, who was in his line of view.

Shippo had been hit in the fight with Naraku; he had gotten in the line of fire. Although, I was sure he was fine, because the hit had been minor. He had passed out from the hit because he was still so little and weak. He was with Kirara now. Inuyasha's worry for Shippo was touching. He might deny it, but he cared for the kit. He looked around at us all, and, I did little, but smile sadly when his eyes landed on me.

_It must be frustrating to want all of Inuyasha's attention, and have it st__olen by a copy of yourself, even __if it is just for a second, _I thought with a smirk on the inside.

"Inuyasha, my time is running out," Kikyo repeated, almost sounding desperate.

Everyone else would have missed the desperation, but she was trying harder to kill me so I took a wild guess that she wanted Inuyasha to leave with her now more than anything.

"Kikyo, I have things to do here. I have people I have to protect. Can you wait awhile longer? I'll still go with you. I made a promise and I'll keep it," he negotiated, sounding torn.

_Well, I would be torn to I guess, _I thought sarcastically_. Burning in the pits of hell always sounded fun to me. Not_.

No one moved. No one did anything. The day was clear again. It was warm, and the sun was shining. If I had the power I would have made it rain.

I lost my concentration for a second while I worried if Inuyasha was going to leave or not, and that gave Kikyo a better grip on my soul. Her grip told me how much I wasn't concentrating, and I got pissed, and pulled back. Her paleness made me feel better, and told me that I had gotten my point across.

But it did upset Miroku to try and say something, "Kikyo,-"

I cut him off, "Don't," I demanded.

I wouldn't let Inuyasha find anything out. He loved Kikyo and no matter what anyone said about her it wasn't going to change what he felt for her. It would just make it harder. It would be cruel to tell him. He didn't need to know that Kikyo was trying to kill me. I could take care of myself.

Inuyasha didn't notice anything.

"Kikyo, I don't know if I can go to hell with you at all," Inuyasha said finally.

"My time in this world had almost passed. I have to move on. I don't belong here any longer."

She was telling half lies, and making it sound like she had a choice. Kikyo was making it sound like she had realized that her time in this world had come to an end, and that she was leaving, but in truth she was holding on more now than she ever had. Even as she tried to make it sound like she was ready to move on she was trying to steal more time. It was too bad that she had to steal it from me.

I wouldn't let Inuyasha know what was going on, but I had little choice because I was getting mad.

I came up to the both of them, but stayed behind Kikyo, "Stop it," I demanded softly in her ear.

Kikyo didn't say anything to me, but for the time being she once again stopped. I would have let her to continue to try and take what wasn't hers, but it did drain me somewhat even if it didn't take much to prevent her from doing what she did. I was also getting pissed that while she tried to woo Inuyasha she was betraying him to. He may not show it when she was around, but I still knew it would kill him if he found out what was going on. It was sad that it was only a matter of minutes before she would try again. Kikyo didn't want me mad because she didn't know what I would do. Honestly, I didn't know either.

Kikyo didn't allow Inuyasha to ask what was going on, "Do you not love me anymore? Is it that you love someone else?"

Although, Kikyo asked the question so that Inuyasha would continue to stay in the dark it didn't mean that his answer wasn't any less important.

"No," he denied quickly.

I died inside a little when he said it. I worked hard to keep my face neutral and not show my pain, at Inuyasha's declaration, but Kikyo did notice and quickly took what she could while I was in emotional pain. It was one of the times when she could get what she wanted. I wanted to get mad, but what was the point?

"Kagome, you must stop," Miroku announced.

It made me feel bad that he wasn't allowed to tell anyone what was going on. I knew how badly he wanted to. I felt bad for making him do it, because he was such a good friend. He sounded more desperate then before. Both Sango and Inuyasha seemed to know they were missing something and wanted answers.

"What's going on?" Inuyasha demanded.

It was then that I truly cracked, and I lashed out at Inuyasha, "Why?!" I screamed," I have no life anywhere but here!"

The cry was a little misplaced in everything, but I didn't want him to find out what was going on. When I really thought about it I sounded a little crazed, but I calmed myself when I thought of Kikyo. I wasn't as crazy as her. Yet.

I calmed myself. I turned to Inuyasha, "I care for you more than anyone else here. I wonder why, but even if I-" I stated sadly, confused.

"Kagome," he cut off," Kikyo-"

"Kikyo! Kikyo! Kikyo! If I hear that name one more time I don't know what I'm going to do! Kikyo is dying because what she has of my soul isn't enough!"

"You don't know-"

"Inuyasha-," Miroku tried

"Don't!"

"Inuyasha we know each other inside and out, and are suppose to be best friends, but when Kikyo comes around I swear to the Gods I could be on fire and all you would see is Kikyo," I shouted.

"I love her," he stated.

I got angry, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. "You're more obsessed then ever," I blurted.

"How can you say that? She gave up her life because of me."

"Which proved how much she cared for you," I lied, "but that doesn't mean anything really, when you think about it. She tried to kill you, or does this leave your train of thought when you see her," I demanded, livid.

I wasn't acting like myself, but I didn't know how much more of this I could take. I was always there for him. I never fought for him. I allowed him to hurt me again and again. I had no life on the other side of the well, but that was going to be home not very long from now. So what did I really have to lose by acting out of character? Blame it on temporary insanity.

"If she really loved you, then she wouldn't hold anything over your head. You want Kikyo back so much yet you avoid every important question. Would she still want you to become human if she were to live?"

I thought that important question since; I knew that she did, in fact, want to live more than anything.

"Does she really trust you now? Does she even love you?"

I closed down on everything slowly. I allowed myself to look around at the scene in front of me. I took in Shippo who was sleeping on Kirara. I watched at Miroku once again grabbed Sango's hand and held it tightly. I watched as Sango watched out so as not to get groped. Even in the middle of crisis Sango always waited to have to hit him. Finally, I took in Kikyo who was standing in front of me. She looked stronger to me now that she had more of my soul. I felt weaker because of it but I didn't care. I had let her take enough of it, but not all. Inuyasha looked so torn and angry.

"I need to go home," I said finally.

Inuyasha looked panicked, "You can't.!"

"I can and I will." I said sadly, "I need a best friend. I need someone who is always going to stay by my side, and always look out for me. I look for that in you and never get it."

"I always look out for you."

"Not when Kikyo is around."

"I'll work on that."

I shook my head as I looked at the well that was so close to me. Our final battle had been right by the one place that mattered most to all of us in some way. It was my way back to those who mattered most to me. Kikyo thought of this place at important because she needed me. If I never came back then she would eventually died. There were so many memories at the well. Inuyasha and I had fought so many times….

"Kikyo, Miroku and Sango need Inuyasha for the time being. There is going to be a lot of demons coming to the area looking for the jewel, and they're going to need Inuyasha's power. They need him until they realize that it's no longer in this world."

Then, I finally said what I had been thinking about all along, "At sun down I'm gone."

"I should have the jewel," Kikyo stated, ignoring the statement and the shock from everyone.

I fought down my anger. "No," I shook my head, "The power of the jewel has corrupted most people. You don't need that worry."

I knew what she wanted the jewel for. I knew she wanted to wish something on it. Although, at this point I didn't know what she really wanted. She wasn't going become human through me. So did she want to wish that? Or did she want Inuyasha to become human before the two of them went to hell? I didn't know anymore, but I knew that I wasn't going to allow the jewel to be in her hands. The last time she had given it to Naraku. He was dead, but it just showed to prove that I really didn't know what she was going to do.

"The jewel will be safer in my time," I stated.

"But I am the jewel's protector. You don't know what kind of power the jewel can bring."

She knew what kind of power it held, and that's why she wanted it.

Inuyasha did look shocked by Kikyo's actions, "Kagome is the jewels protector. She knows more than any of us what kind of power the jewel holds. Even Kouga saw that. He gave his jewels up in his legs just the day before today. How can you say that she isn't the jewels protector? It was given to you to protect, and you died. Now it belongs to Kagome. She knows how to take care of it," Inuyasha defended.

You could tell that it really ticked Kikyo off that he was defending me, but I didn't say anything.

I had no idea what Kikyo's feelings were towards Inuyasha, and I didn't want to know. I didn't feel like I knew much anymore.

I looked at Inuyasha. He had matured over the last two years. He looked more like his brother more than ever. I would only say that if I had a death wish though. He didn't have the markings that his brother did, but he did resemble him more now. He had gained more muscle and his hair was longer. I knew that he would look like he did now for a long time to come.

We weren't right for each other even without Kikyo to keep us apart. I didn't belong here, and I was human. I would die long before he did. I was weaker then he was. I wasn't made for him anymore then he was made for me.

I went over to him and took off his necklace. I knew that it bound us together, and I knew that it allowed him to pass through the well. I didn't want that, as much as I wanted him to come for me, it was better this way. He didn't love me.

"Kagome-"

"You're free," I said softly before he could go on.

I almost cried then, but stopped myself. I really wasn't allowing anyone to say anything lately now was I.

When night began to fall everyone met me at the well to say goodbye, even Inuyasha. He sadly ruined his presence by bringing Kikyo. I had disappeared to say goodbye to some of the villagers, and Keade and now I wished I hadn't because I realized now that I wasn't ever going to see any of them again. It hurt more then I thought anything could.

Shippo cried and clung to me, "I'll go with!"

"I'm going to miss you so much Shippo. You're like a son to me," I said all the while my voice was cracking.

Not wanting to, but knowing I had to I put him in Sango's waiting arms.

"I'm going to miss you," Sano declared sadly, "Your like that sister I never had," she cried and I so did I when I hugged her.

"I feel the same way. We sisters have to stick together. Think of me on your wedding day."

"Yes Sango. Do that. And think only of my on our wedding night," Miroku joked.

"You're such a pervert," Sango announced, not looking all that annoyed by the statment.

I laugher as Sango hit him over the head.

I turned to Inuyasha who looked like his normal brooding self, Iif not a little more depressed than normal.

I heard Miroku laugh, "I may be a pervert, but you love me anyway," he said joyessly.

_Yes, they do love each other, _I thought.

"You take good care of them while you can," I said to Inuyasha.

For once he didn't argue, "I will. Someone has to be able to take care of the runt while the two of them are at it."

He lack of anger let me know how much this was bothering him, and that bothered me because it let me know that he did care about me. Even if he didn't love me the way he did… her.

I smiled, "Good."

I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. I let the scent of him come to me.

"I love you," I whispered into his ear then I turned and jumped into the well before anyone could stop me.


End file.
